Sore Fingers - Slender

This game, roughly 95% of the time

            Slender is a game version of The Slender Man Mythos, though by far it has the most in common with the series Marble Hornets. I'll note right away that I have barely played the game myself, my roommate has while I sit behind him scared. Now, I know a lot of people, my roommate not being one of them, who find this game boring. I was just talking to one the other day and he laughed about it. What. Okay, for the (to me surprisingly) many out there who have no idea what this game is, here. Slender Man is a creature made by the Something Awful forums. It was a thread in 2009 that spawned him, with a scary picture thread. Someone posted pictures of a tall, thin, faceless man standing in the background around children, with captions talking about how all the children in the pictures are missing, and the town's records have burned down in fires, and other scary stuff.

            Soon after, Troy Wagner and Joseph DeLage took the meme and made a series on YouTube about it called Marble Hornets. As I have mentioned before on the blog, it is incredibly well-made and I bought both seasons that have come out on DVD. In the game you play as an unnamed person, out in the woods at night with nothing but a flashlight. (Something tells me M from The Tutorial is laughing at this person.) As you walk through the woods you find odd notes taped to things, each with creepy drawings of the Slender Man. (Someone probably just took Alex's journal and ripped random pages out.) After you find the first one, however, Slender Man starts chasing you. If you turn around and can see him, the screen gets static-y. It will also get static-y when he gets close to you. If you look at him for too long, he gets you and you die. If you get all 8 pages you get a cool ending and unlock a new mode, from which you can get another mode. As a game, I have a lot of respect and fear for it. I can't wait, especially because it is apparently just a prologue.

           There's more to talk about with this gem, however. This game, and it's coverage by major LPers, large gaming sights, and now TOM from Toonami has brought a lot of people to our little fandom. You can tell who they are by asking about Marble Hornets. If you get a blank look, you're either talking to a new person or Slender Man himself in which case WHAT ARE YOU DOING TALKING RUN! Now, I could easily continue the topic by saying they're not 'true fans' or something equally ridiculous, but I see it as an opportunity to add some life into this slowly dying fandom. When I meet one of them, I just tell them, "Search for Introduction on YouTube, and click on the one by Marble Hornets. Have fun." The more people getting scared, the better. Laters.

Original Versus Sequel - Paper Mario 64 VS Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

            This will be the first of hopefully several Original Vs Sequel. I'm starting with a hard one, because I love them both a ton. Paper Mario 64 (Not the real title, but useful in denoting which I'm speaking of) was one of the first games I beat, and the sequel is one of my favorite sequels in gaming history.

            Story
            This one is tough, in that neither is Portal. The stories for both are simple, especially for RPGs, a genre famous for it's overly complex narratives. Paper Mario 64's story: Bowser has stolen the Star Rod, the tool used by the Star Spirits to grant the wishes of everybody. By stealing the Star Rod and imprisoning the Star Spirits, he is able to grant his own wishes, making him invisible. After thoroughly trashing Mario and kidnapping Princess Peach, Mario must free the Star Spirits, for only their combined might can oppose the Koopa King now. Pretty simple. Now, besides the main plot, each game has a second, separate plot where Peach is the main character. In 64, Peach befriends a tiny star named Twink. Over the course of the game, she sneaks around and uses what information she can find to give to Twink, who think informs Mario so he knows where to go next.

             Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door takes place not in the typical setting, the Mushroom Kingdom, but in the port town of Rogueport. One day, as a stop on a larger voyage, Peach and Toadworth (her loyal retainer) stay there for a while. While there, Peach finds a map that is supposedly magic, and leads to the legendary treasure said to reside under Rogueport. She sends the map to Mario, but when he arrives she is nowhere to be found. It turns out the map shows the locations of the Crystal Stars, seven artifacts that are powerful alone, but when combined open the Thousand Year Door, which is said to have the previously mentioned treasure locked beyond. Mario is not the only one looking for the stars, a group called the X-Nauts are looking too, and captured Peach. Peach's story in this game involves her growing relationship with the X-Naut's computer TEC. Bowser has his own side story as well, where he hears Peach was kidnapped by someone besides himself. He goes on a quest to find the Crystal Stars as well, but is always one step behind Mario.

             The question of which main story is better depends on the answerer. To those who prefer more simple stories, 64 would seem the right answer. But for me, the main story of Thousand Year Door is much better. There's an actual twist to it, and the plot has more twists. I'd say that Peach's story is much better in Door as well. Her relationship with TEC is very well done, and by the end it's actually very touching. Plus, Door also has the Bowser subplot, for which there is no opposite in 64. So, for me, Door is the clear winner here.

            WINNER-Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

            Gameplay
            This one is really, really easy. I'll just list all the things that Door did better: start with action commands, and you can skip the tutorials; audience; more skill involved in the special moves; better badge system; better partner system; paper curses; appeal and defense options. The only thing 64 had that Door didn't was the spin thing, which I do miss, but even considering that loss Door still is the easy winner.

             WINNER-Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

              Chapters
              Another tough one, we'll go step by step to see which is the victor here.

             In the prologue for 64, Mario goes to a party as Peach's castle, Bowser shows up, kicks Mario's flank, Mario wakes up in Goomba Village, gets a hammer, gets a partner, fights the Goomba King, goes to Toad Town, goes to Shooting Star Summit, finally learns action commands, reveals the trickery of the Koopa Bros, and finally heads off to Chapter One.

            In the prologue for Door, Mario gets off the boat, already knows action commands, fights Lord Crump, gets a partner, gets robbed, gets cursed, and learns where the first Crystal Star is.

            On the one hand, 64 has a long and interesting prologue. On the other, the combat sucks until near the end. Still, I'll give this one up to 64.

         In Chapter 1 of 64, Mario finds the Koopa village overrun by fuzzies, defeats them, gets a partner, attacks the Koopa Bros. Fortress, gets another partner, fights a fake Bowser, fights the Koopa Bros, and then gets the Star Spirit.

        In Chapter 1 of Door, Mario discovers that a dragon named Hooktail is terrorizing Petal Meadows, wins a quiz show, fights a gold fuzzy, gets the keys to the castle, gets a partner, storms said castle, gets cursed, fights the dragon, and gets the first Crystal Star.

        This one is tough. Door has the cool castle, the better puzzles, and a cool midboss. However, 64 has two different partners, some really funny moments, some very awesome moments, and overall feels more complete and satisfying. I'll give this one to 64 as well.

         In Chapter 2 of 64, Mario rides a train, gets a partner, (optionally) fights a giant buzzard, goes into the desert, finds a mysterious mouse who knows where the ruins are, find the ruins, gets threatened by a lame voice, gets the Super Hammer, fights a koopa dressed as a pharoh commanding Chain Chomps, and gets the Star Spirit.

        In Chapter 2 of Door, Mario befriends this little slug thing, goes into these black and white woods, tries to enter The Great Tree, fights the Shadow Sirens gets a partner, enters The Great Tree, has 10 more slug things join him, gets 90 more slug things to join him, gets the Super Boots, almost gets the Crystal Star until Crump steals it, fights Crump in a mech, and gets the Crystal Star.

      Door tried doing a lot of interesting things. The woods were an interesting style choice, the Punie's following you was something new, the stealing of the star and subsequent countdown timer was new, and the mech for a boss fight was different. However, I don't feel most of that really worked. I'm glad they tried new things, but despite that 64's simple search for the ruins, and the questing within, was far more memorable and fun. 64 wins again.

       In Chapter 3 of 64, Mario goes into a haunted forest, goes into a haunted mansion, gets the Super Boots, discovers that the Star Spirit has been stolen from Bowser's henchman already by the Boos, works out a deal to get rid of the Tubba Blubba in exchange for the Star Spirit, gets a new partner, goes in Blubba's fortress, sneaks around cause he's invincible, find out his secret, races to avoid Blubba's wrath, finds his secret, defeats Blubba, and gets the Star Spirit.

       In Chapter 3 of Door, Mario goes to a floating city, discovers the Crystal Star on the belt of the champion wrestler, becomes a wrestler, gets a partner, works on the secret of this place, gets the Super Hammer, title fights the champ, defeats the bad guy abusing the Star's power, and gets the Crystal Star.

       I am going to preface my decision with this: chapter 3 of 64 is one of my favorites of the game. It takes many risks, and pulls them all off perfectly. It is a great chapter, and I'll never say a bad word about it. However, I find Door's Chapter 3 superior. It takes an even bigger departure from the formula, has a lot of great jokes, and delivers a far more memorable experience. I'm giving this one to Door.

      In Chapter 4 of 64 (RHYMING), Mario find Toad Town under attack by a legion of thieving Shy Guys, finds their base, bakes a cake for the Gourmet Guy, defeats the Lamp Ghost, gets a partner, defeats the General Guy, and gets the Star Spirit.

      In Chapter 4 of Door (MOAR RHYMING), Mario goes to Twilight Town, discovers that when the nearby Steaple's clock goes off someone turns into a pig, gets cursed, (optionally) fights an Atomic Boo, fights ??????, and gets the Crystal Star...except not. Mario then is turned into a shadow while ?????? has taken his name and body as well as his partners, gets a new partner, learns ??????'s name, fights ?????? and his old partners, and gets his body back as well as the Crystal Star.

     Again I preface my decision by saying that I love 64's Chapter 4. I love the Shy Guys, the many different variants, the fun in getting everybody's items back, all of it. But Door took more risks, and they all worked for me. It's a really fun chapter, so I'll give this battle to Door.

      In Chapter 5 of 64, Mario rides a whale to Yoshi's Island (It's not might be the one you're thinking of.), finds that the Yoshi's children have gone missing, gets a new partner, saves all the kids, meets that giant raven from Super Mario World 2, gets into a volcano, gets the Ultra Hammer, fights Lava Piranha, fights Lava Piranha on fire, barely escapes the exploding volcano, and gets the Crystal Star.

     In Chapter 5 of Door, Mario rides a ship to an island, crashes into said island, gets a partner, goes into a cave, gets cursed, fights a pirate ghost, gets the Crystal Star, and fights Crump again.

     This one is tough, partially because they're very similar. On the one hand, I really like the Lava Piranha fight, and the escaping the volcano run. On the other, the Cortez fight is really interesting. Still, I got to give it to the 64.

     In Chapter 6 of 64, Mario goes into this weird alternate world full of plants, gets some items, gets a partner, gets Ultra Boots, clears up the sky, grows a giant beanstalk, fights Huff 'n Puff, and gets the Star Spirit.

     In Chapter 6 of Door, Mario rides a nice train, solves a mystery, gets Ultra Boots, fixes the rails, fights Smorg, goes into a painting, and gets the Crystal Star.

     Which you prefer really depends on what you like in the game. For those who prefer the combat, 64 is the clear winner, because Door barely even has any. But for those like me, Door barely eeks out a victory. The fun with the passengers is great, the baddy is interesting and weird, and it's very different experience.

       In Chapter 7 of 64, Mario goes to Shiver City, solves a mystery, goes to the birthplace of stars, goes to the Ice Palace, fights the Ice King, and gets the last Star Spirit.

       In Chapter 7 of 64, Mario goes to Fahr Outpost, goes around convincing Bob-Ombs to reactivate the cannon, gets shot to the Moon, invades the X-Naut base, fights Crump, gets the last Crystal Star meets a dying TEC, and escapes just before the base explodes.

       This one is a clear victory for Door. It has more locations, more epic scenes, and the X-Naut base is very cool.

       In Chapter 8 of 64, Mario climbs the Rainbow Way, receives the blessing of the Star Spirits, invades Bowser's Castle, invades Peach's castle, fights Bowser, and saves Peach. The End.

       In Chapter 8 of Door, Mario opens the Thousand Year Door, fights Gloomtail, fights Grodus, fights Bowser, fights the end boss, and saves the world. The End.

       This one is close. Door has more boss fights, but the general build up and excitement in 64 is better. Giving this last one to 64.

       So, for the chapters,

       WINNER-Paper Mario 64

      Characters

      No pics this time, no time.

      Goombario VS Goombella: Goombario is...okay I guess, but Goombella has far more personality, and I prefer her by a ton.

      Kooper VS Koops: This is another easy one. Koops at least has some personality, so he wins.

      Bombette VS Bombery: I guess Bombette had some personality, like I think she was Tsundere or something, but Bombery's old sea dog thing is way better.

      Bow VS Vivian: I really like Vivian and her story, but Bow is too awesome not to win.

      Watt VS Flurrie: Watt is adorable and Flurrie is...annoying and disturbing. Watt wins.

      Sushie VS Ms. Mowz: Sushie had some character traits, but Mowz was well set up, interesting, and fun. Mowz wins.

      Spike VS [Insert Chosen Yoshi Name]: The Yoshi is cool, with different colors and a custom name, but I found him a tad annoying, and I really like Spike. Spike wins.

      Koopa Troopa Jr VS the Shadow Sirens: Junior appears far more often, is more funny, and has a far sillier motivation. Mario walked around in his playground, so he follows him across the Kingdom, ignoring anything that can stop him, and slowly becomes a total badass, just for revenge. Awesome.

      Koopa Brothers VS Hooktail: Hooktail is a dragon, but has a really lame weakness. The brothers have an awesome theme, funny dialogue, and a hilariously bad Bowser Costume. They win easy.

      Tubba Blubba VS Grubba: Tubba is more funny, pathetic, and has a more interesting story. He wins.

      General Guy VS ??????: I really like General Guy, but he had little screentime. ?????? had more, and was more interesting overall. Mystery monster wins.

      Lava Piranha VS Cortez: Cortez is cool and all, but the Lava Piranha blows him outta the park. LP wins.

      Huff 'N Puff VS Smorg: Puff is cooler, funnier, and while not as mysterious, far more infuriating when you're a kid. Puff wins.

      Bowser VS Grodus: Grodus is generic, while Bowser is fun in his evilness. Koopa King reigns supreme.

      Kammy Koopa VS Crump: Kammy. Nough said.

      Twink VS TEC: Twink had no personality. TEC's story made me cry. Do the math.

      Add it all up and...

      WINNER-Paper Mario 64

       Setting

       This one won't take long. 64 expanded and filled the Mushroom Kingdom, giving a better identity to a place we had vaguely seen in other games. Door gave us the town of Rogueport and the surrounding areas. I prefer that of Door, because it shows that the world of Mario isn't all a paradise, and bad places exist. It also did far more world-building, which is always a plus for me.

       WINNER-Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door

       Well, I guess Thousand Year Door wins. This does not mean I don't love Paper Mario, it just means that I think the sequel is one of the rare few that surpasses the original. Laters.

Sore Fingers-Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney

                     This is easily the most divisive game of the entire series. About half the fandom love it, and about half don't. Where does my opinion lie? Well, if you've paid any attention to me anywhere else, it's the former. It is actually my favorite game in the series thus far, which for me is really saying a lot. I love the characters, the dialogue, the story, everything. So why don't others like it? Well, it really seems to come down to two things. The first is Apollo himself, who many do not like. Why? My theory is that they're just pissed that somepony took Phoenix's limelight. Well grow up! Series evolve, and another game with Phoenix would have been good still, but it wouldn't be as good for the franchise as this. This was the series letting time progress, and bringing in new faces. I think Apollo is a great successor to Phoenix, and it's hard for me to pick which one I like better. The second reason is how much was changed. The series only kept a few characters from the previous games, and the ones they did (except the Judge) were changed dramatically from how they used to be. Ponies consider what happened to Phoenix and Ema as derailment, and bad writing. I couldn't disagree more. Phoenix's change makes sense, considering what happened between games. I find it cool that he's learned to not be so uptight, and has decided that life is easier when you don't make so many enemies. Ema's change feel very natural to me. Somepony so bright-eyed and idealistic, with such lofty goals, is easily brought down to Earth by harsh realities. Plus, you see pieces of her old self underneath all the old skepticism, mostly whenever SCIENCE is involved.

                   Overall, I see the points others make, and I can't dispute them. That is how they felt while playing the game, and nothing I say or type will change that. However, I got a different experience from it. For me, Apollo Justice is a witty, clever, fun game, and deserves more respect. It is highly recommended, even to those new to the series. (Knowledge of previous games is no problem, really.)

Sore Fingers-Minecraft

           Ahhh, Minecraft. The game that is always evolving, whether from official updates or through mods. The game that allows you to do whatever in Zarquon's name you want. I love Minecraft. I've been playing it for about a year and a half now (sometime before the Nether was added, don't remember the exact time). Minecraft is a hard game to review. It has simple graphics, a simple engine, simple gameplay, it's a simple game. But it's simplicity is it's awesomeness, it has no story. Nothing is there to get in the way of what you want to do. Want to make a base, ever expanding, where you hoard all the resources you can? You can do that. Want to only carry the bare necessities and just travel, exploring the near infinite world? You can do that. Want to just fight every enemy you can, just because you want to? Do it. Personally, I really enjoy going to creative mode and building huge cities and stuff. Or recreating Kanto from Pokemon Fire Red space by space exactly (always working on it). Simply put, Minecraft might be the perfect game. It is the ultimate sandbox game, and if you can't have fun playing it you haven't discovered all it had to offer. Not yet, anyway. And none of us ever will. For it is truly infinite.

Sore Fingers-The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

                     I am a huge Zelda nerd. I've been playing the series since I was old enough to hold a controller, and it remains up there as one of my favorite game series. I've been anticipating this game for years, and let me tell you now, it did not disappoint. The only debate I really have with myself now is whether it's my 2nd or 1st favorite of the series. Yeah, it's that good.

                    The story is very well-done, capturing the simplicity of Wind Waker and Ocarina of Time with the character development and depth of Twilight Princess. The characters are pretty great. This is easily one of my favorite Link's (You can make his dialogue choices sound like Sokka!), and his relationship with Zelda is the best so far in the series. Zelda herself is pretty cool. The villains are chilling, badass, and hilarious. My favorite character has to be Groose, who goes through more development than almost any other Zelda character.

                  I love the art style they chose here. Most people like to talk about how it combined the styles of Wind Waker and Twilight Princess, but it is more than that. It is an actual artistic style, called Impressionism. (Thank you Art 1.) It was chosen, in my opinion, because it perfectly suits the Wii and its graphical limitations. It looks good without having to be super-realistic, which I like.

                I absolutely love the gameplay here. For the heights it attempts to grasp, it comes close enough for me to be more than satisfied. It fucks up little enough, and when it does it is easily corrected. The level design is incredible. My roommate who didn't enjoy Twilight Princess (I know, what the fuck right?) because it was too easy will be unable to make the same complaint here. This game is hard as balls, but never unfairly so. There's a ton of content here too. I only did the storyline stuff, and it still took be 34 hours to beat.

                The orchestral soundtrack, which comes with the game, is amazing. It is probably the best Zelda score, and easily ranks among the greatest in gaming history for me. Overall, this game met my expectations, it exceeded them by a mile. By the end, I was left sad, but satisfied that such an amazing adventure can be played again any day. And that no matter how much time may go by, there will always be a Link, a Zelda, and an enemy they fight. And it will be great.